Republican Convention as Star Wars Movie

July 20, 2016 by islandersvoice1


As is his habit, Mike Buettell, prolific San Juan Island letter writer, offers a fresh perspective on all things political, this time yesterday’s kick-off of the Republican National Convention in Cleveland. If you give him enough Likes, we’re confident he’ll also weigh in on days two and three.

Is it just me, or did day one of the Republican Convention remind you of the first Star Wars movie?

By Mike Buettell

We start with the Rebel Alliance (the Never Trump folks attempting to break away). After a voice vote, that sounded equal to me, Darth Vader declares the Empire still in control, squashes the Rebels, and turns the charade over to Willie Robertson (Duck Dynasty fame) who would be more at home in the Mos Eisley Cantina. He rambles on about how the Emperor “has your back,” or was it “behind your back,” and then introduces another Cantina character, from some Happier Days, Scott Baio.  All of this nonsense is just prep work for Governor Tarkin, aka Rudi Giuliani’s, rant about the threat to the Empire from all things Alien. Just when your jaw can fall no lower, enter Princess Melania, an Alien herself, rescued from Supermodel obscurity by the Emperor. She innocently delivers a speech, written by the Emperor’s lackeys, which produces howls of protest from fans of Luke, Han and Obi Wan. The evening wraps up with an appearance by the emperor, who using the dark side of the Force, whips an audience of Stormtrooper Clones into a hysterical frenzy of devotion to anything “Emperor” no matter how dark, dangerous, or ridiculous it sounds.
Scenes I’m looking forward to:
1. When Princess Melania is captured by Jabba the Hut and wears a scantly clad outfit, reminiscent of her supermodel pictures.
2. The Trump plane making the Castle run in under 12 parsecs.
3. Any rescue scene as tight as a speedo on Chris Christie.
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